


Strength in Weakness

by stevesnosebump



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:53:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24284662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stevesnosebump/pseuds/stevesnosebump
Summary: Bucky tends to keep his emotions bottled up, believing  they’re too minuscule to be shared. Steve wants him to learn to open up.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 4
Kudos: 50





	Strength in Weakness

**Author's Note:**

> Hello I’m back! :) I love pre-serum and pre-war stucky so so much I just had to write about them.  
> I hope you enjoy this...thank u

Steve, curled up on the couch, softly hummed the tune stuck in his head as he sketched in his sketchbook. The sun was shining through a cracked window, and the smell of coffee still lingered in the small apartment. For the first time in weeks, he felt truly at ease. 

He was pleasantly surprised when he heard the door unlock and open, knowing that meant the day had flown by quickly and his boyfriend was already back home. 

“It’s me,” Bucky’s voice rang through the apartment, sounding haggard. Steve could already see the slouch in Bucky’s posture and his tired eyes before he even came into view. 

“Hey. Rough day?” Steve asked, placing his sketchbook and pencil on the table in front of him before getting up to greet Bucky. 

“No, it was alright,” Bucky shrugged and hung his coat up. 

He was lying, and Steve knew it. Bucky didn’t want to make Steve feel bad for not being able to help more, didn’t want to make him feel like a burden. They’d gotten into an argument about it months before, when the guilt and self-hatred weighing on Steve became too heavy to carry. Bucky hated making Steve feel like that, so he started keeping it to himself. Work was never difficult, money wasn’t tight, and life was good. 

“Don’t lie to me, Buck...”

Bucky took a deep breath, hoping to keep his frustrations with work _at work_ instead of dampening the mood at home. 

“Drop it, please. I’m fine. What’s for dinner?” 

“Fuck—I’m sorry, Buck, I completely lost track of time,” Steve frowned, realizing he’d failed at his task of making everything as easy as possible for Bucky. He wanted to have dinner ready for him every evening, but he got so caught up in his drawing that he completely forgot about it. 

“Oh, don’t worry about it. Let’s whip something up real quick, yeah?” Bucky was forcing a positive demeanor, but his body language gave him away. Steve always managed to see right through him. 

Bucky didn’t want to lose his cool over something as stupid as _dinner,_ but he’d be lying if he said it wasn’t painfully inconvenient to come home from a difficult day at work only to see a bare dining table and deserted kitchen. He was hungry and tired, and the sound of the radio was starting to irritate him. The facade was beginning to falter. 

“No, you go relax. I’ll fix something real quick, I promise.” 

Steve walked into the kitchen and haphazardly grabbed all the supplies he’d need to fix a quick but edible meal. 

Bucky huffed and went to sit down on the couch, pausing when he saw Steve’s belongings cluttered on the coffee table. 

“Steve, come on!” 

“What?” Steve abandoned his task and rushed out of the kitchen to see what was wrong. 

“Just makin’ a mess of the place, huh? Come on, you can’t clean once in a while?” 

“Are you serious right now? It’s a sketchbook and a few pencils. It won’t kill you.” 

“Sure, it won’t _kill_ me, but it’d be nice if I could come home to a clean space,” Bucky hissed, angrily organizing the supplies so they weren’t cluttering up the table. 

Steve stood and watched him, unsure of what to do or say. He could drop the argument, go back to the kitchen and fix their dinner. Or, he could stay in the room with a pissed off Bucky and attempt to reason with him, which, at its worst, could turn into an argument that lasted all night. 

“Don’t just stand there pouting at me, princess.” 

“That’s not fair and you know it. It’s not my fault you had a bad day at work.” 

“I know that,” Bucky groaned, turning to fully face Steve now, “But you couldn’t have made my day a little easier?” 

That was when Steve lost his reserve. He had tried to be patient and understanding with Bucky, knew that he’d had a hard day and was more easily irritated because of it, but Bucky had taken it too far. He was being inconsiderate, and had already completely soured Steve’s mood. His face flushed with anger. His vision blurred as tears filled his eyes. His lip was beginning to tremble from all the emotions he was so intensely experiencing. 

“Get the fuck out,” he said lowly but sharply, pointing a finger at the door Bucky had walked through only moments earlier. 

Bucky tensed when he heard the words leave Steve’s mouth, already regretting picking a fight tonight. But he was too stubborn to take it all back, and he knew that Steve was deadly serious in telling him to leave. So he did. 

“Fine!” He snapped, marching to retrieve his coat from the rack before stomping out the apartment, making a point to slam the door behind him. 

Steve watched him leave, holding back his tears until a few moments later, when he was sure that Bucky was gone. That was when the sobs shook his small body, mourning the loss of a perfect, serene day. 

——  
Bucky nearly cursed at the sky when he saw the vibrant colors of the sunset painting it. He wanted the sky to be gloomy, with thunder rumbling and heavy rain flooding the streets. Still, the sky looked beautiful, and the slight breeze felt good on his hot skin. The perfect weather only reminded him that the gloominess in his apartment was his own fault, and he hated that. 

He didn’t even know where he was going. He figured he could find _something_ to do to keep himself entertained and away from Steve—maybe grab a bite to eat or even go dancing—but he didn’t even want to be around anyone. He just wanted to mope about his shit luck. 

He’d had an awful day at work—he was all sore from all the cargo he’d carried, and his boss was being a real pain in the ass. The war was heating up like Hell and he was _scared_ because he knew he’d be in the middle of it soon. To top it all off, he’d made the mistake of taking his frustrations out on his boyfriend, who was entirely undeserving of that. 

He couldn’t go back home though, could he? He’d only left maybe fifteen minutes ago. He didn’t even have his fucking key on him, he’d left in such a hurry. Would Steve really let him back in and accept an apology? 

His pondering was interrupted by a small, sweet voice calling his name. Following the direction of the voice, he saw Connie, a girl he’d met a few weeks ago. 

“Hey! What’re you doing out here?” 

“I was headed to a friend’s when I saw you over here,” she paused, taking a moment to study his appearance. “Is everything okay? You look...miserable.” 

Bucky was a bit hesitant about opening up, especially to someone he didn’t really know all that much, but he figured a sympathetic ear would help much more than it could possibly hurt. 

“Can we walk together, and I can tell you about it?” 

“Sure, of course.” 

They walked slowly, Connie matching her steps to Bucky’s as she waited for him to start talking. 

He took a deep breath and shoved his hands in his pockets before simply telling her, “I messed up.” 

Her eyebrows perked up at the statement.  
“Yeah? How so?” 

“I,” he sighed before continuing. “I just had a bad day, y’know, and then I went home and took it out on my, uh, my roommate. So now he’s really mad at me and I just feel awful.” 

“Oh,” Connie chuckled. “You made it seem a lot worse than it is. But, yeah, you shouldn’t have done that. Is that why you’re out here?” 

“Yeah. He told me to leave.” 

“That bad, huh?” 

They walked in silence for a moment, listening to their shoes tapping on the pavement, as they both pondered the situation. 

“Why don’t you go home and apologize?” Connie casually replied as they stopped in front of what Bucky assumed was her friend’s home. 

“Well, I don’t know how he’d feel about that. He was really mad.” 

She tsked and rolled her eyes at him. “Apologize to him. Make sure it’s a real apology though, yeah? Talk it out. Hug it out. You’ll be fine,” she brought a hand up to his shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze before, now standing on her tiptoes, leaning in to give his cheek a quick kiss. 

He lifted a corner of his mouth in a half-smile—no less genuine, just a little sheepish. 

“Yeah. I think I’ll do that. Thank you.” 

“No problem. I’ll see you around,” she responded, reaching to hug him. 

He accepted the hug and assured her that they would be seeing each other soon. With that, he was on his way home, for the second time that day. 

He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous—his gut was twisting and his knees felt a little weak, and he had to wipe his sweaty palms off on his jacket—but he knew he was doing the right thing. He needed to go home and apologize to Steve. He couldn’t pretend he wasn’t in the wrong for how he had treated him. 

He forced himself to keep that in mind, repeated it to himself like a mantra, during the entire walk back to their shared apartment. 

——  
Once at their door, he had to pause to calm himself down before knocking. If Steve didn’t answer, it really wouldn’t be the end of the world—they kept a spare key hidden—but he still worried about what that would mean. If Steve was so angry that he didn’t even want Bucky in their apartment, it would take him a while to forgive Bucky. 

His racing thoughts came to an abrupt stop when Steve finally opened the door. His eyes were red from crying and he was still sniffling. 

“What? Back to yell at me again?” Despite the remark, Steve still moved out of the way so Bucky could enter. That was a good sign. 

Bucky walked in and waited for Steve to shut the door behind him. He took his coat off again and turned to face Steve. 

“I came to apologize, Stevie. I shouldn’t have treated you like that. I had a rough day and ended up taking it out on you. I’m sorry for that, and I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

Steve wiped a stray tear off his face and sniffled before responding, “I accept your apology, but I wish you would’ve talked to me about your day when I asked instead of shutting me out. You hate when I shut you out—why do you get to do it to me?” 

Bucky shook his head, “I don’t. It’s not fair. I’m sorry, I just didn’t wanna be a downer. But I just made the situation worse.” 

Steve practically flung his arms around Bucky’s neck, pulling him in for a tight embrace. He nuzzled his face into Bucky’s neck, breathing him in. 

They were both hesitant to let go, but Steve eventually pulled back, gently, and looked into Bucky’s eyes. 

“Tell me about it. Please.” 

Bucky squeezed his eyes shut, feeling a lump form in his throat as his emotions rushed to the surface. He leaned into Steve for another embrace, which Steve happily accepted. 

“I’m sorry,” Bucky choked out, voice muffled by Steve’s shoulder. 

“I know, Buck, I know. I’ve got you,” he replied, gently rubbing his back. 

Bucky took a deep breath and pulled away from the smaller man’s body, bracing himself to unload the emotional baggage he’d been keeping to himself. 

“Work was so hard today. Kept gettin’ yelled at for the dumbest reasons. I felt so stupid. And then I heard some people talking about the war, and it just scared me, since I know I’ll be experiencing all that bloodshed soon. I mean, I’m dedicated to this country and all, and I’m proud to be able to serve, but I’m so, so scared. I’m not ready to die, Steve. I’m not ready for the things I’ll have to see out there,” he paused as he choked up again, but he continued, “I came home just carrying all that with me. I try so hard not to drag you into my problems because you have enough to worry about, so I didn’t wanna talk about it. I was never mad at you, especially not over something so stupid. I was just taking all my frustration out on you. I’m so sorry.” 

“I’m sorry you had a rough day, and I understand you’re scared. Hey,” Steve gently placed his hands on the sides of Bucky’s face and tilted his head so they were making eye contact again. “But I’m here for you. Don’t shut me out like that. Your problems are important, too, and I want to support you.” 

Bucky nodded and pulled Steve into yet another embrace, whispering thank yous into his ear as he cried. Steve was patient with him, rubbing his back as he sobbed, not once indicating any sense of discomfort or annoyance. 

When Bucky pulled back, he put his hands on the sides of Steve’s face and pulled him into a kiss. Steve could taste the salt of his tears in the kiss, but he didn’t mind. 

In that kiss, Bucky felt Steve’s forgiveness and love, and for the moment, it relieved him of all his worries. He was just a man standing in a cramped apartment with his lover, face and clothes wet with tears, finally understanding what it meant to find strength in weakness.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Been in a Funk lately so it just felt good to finally write about my favorite boys again.


End file.
